#365DaysOfHabits Day 9; Hilary is definitely not a DUFF (15 January 2015)

As it goes, one tends to pop onto Twitter and Facebook from time to time throughout the day. Facebook is mostly there to see what is going on in the lives of your friends and family, to get the roundup of what they have been up to, where they are and what their thoughts are on current situations — which is often how I hear about happenings not just in the world, but also more locally. I keep my friends to limit on the big Book, mostly because I hate it when my timeline gets flooded with unnecessary comments and selfies from people I barely ever see or for that matter know. Twitter is more for the instant news, what is happening around the world or in the country right now! We use to rely on newspapers, or simply CNN or Sky, but now we want more than just the skinny and the details — we want thoughts, ideas and emotions coming from real people. What do people like me, normal, average, human beings think of tragedies, or whatever event it may be, occurring in the world? We have entered the age of Youtube in a way that we have never before. Youtubers and Vloggers attract litterally millions of viewers and subscribers who essentially keep up with their doings and want to know what they are going to get up to next, or what their thoughts are concerning everything from Fifty Shades of Grey, all the way to the Superbowl. Then we all of course keep up with Hollywood’s it family — The Kardashians. Hate them, love them, or a little bit of both, one way or another the creep into our lives and onto our screens — be it TV, Laptop of mobile.

So, this morning I noticed a post on Twitter — attached to it a picture of one of what I always thought was the Jenner Twins — Kendall and Kylie. The young and rich KJ was wearing a shirt with the saying: “I am somebody’s DUFF.” I beg to ask the question — what is a DUFF? Have a fallen into that category of people that have no idea what the latest sayings mean and have to make use of Google to prevent further embarrassment? It was the same with ‘bae’, I mean seriously, who has time to study and keep up with all the different ways of essentially referring to a boyfriend or girlfriend (it was bad enough when every single song contained the world ‘baby’ or ‘shawty’) So, what is a DUFF? Apparently there’s a book and a movie with that title, and it stands for Designated Ugly Fat Friend. Goodness, they finally found a way to promote High School losers — you know, the steps go: retard, loser, Gleek, DUFF. The instinctive first question is naturally: Am I a DUFF? The closest I have ever come to encountering a DUFF was in my teen/tween years when I was slightly obsessed with Hilary, and Hilary if definitely not a DUFF! The concentration is obviously not on depriving, but rather giving identity. That’s really what the very real struggle is all about in life, isn’t it — to make sure everyone has an identity, a click, a who-they-really-are. Of course it is not enough to simply discover that for yourself, oh no, it’s naturally not anything official until it is a book, a movie, Kim tweets about it, it’s added to the Oxford Dictionary, Miley sings a song about it, and Perez Hilton gives it a thumbs up.

There will of course always be a battle between one trend and another, be it a saying a click or whatever the case may be. So I wanted to bring this local, make this appropriate to this beautiful country I live in and focus it on this subject. I live in one of the most beautiful cities not just in South Africa, but in the world — Cape Town. So, who is Cape Town’s DUFF? Who is Cape Town’s Designated Ugly Fat Friend? Seriously? Our DUFF is Johannesburg. What sparked this you might ask? Well, the constant battle between these two cities — endlessly going on and on about which one is better, and why the other one isn’t as good as the other. The truth of the matter is that the cool, popular kid (namely Cape Town) wouldn’t really be able to survive without the less popular kid, or now known as a DUFF (namely, JHB.) I mean it is pretty much pointless to argue which is the top contender when it comes to comparing the two cities, because you and I both know that Cape Town will come out on top time and time again, but as I sat here in a coffeeshop, with the water of the V&A out in front of me, Signal Hill to my right and a cloudy Table Mountain in front of me — I started thinking about this. I have never been a fan of Joburg, I have visited it a few times and each and every time I was so happy to get back on that plane and head back to the Mother City. I read a blogpost today about a guy being quite upset, about us Capetonians always going on about how our city is so much better than Johannesburg. The title of this very delightful reading material was “Go F**k Yourself, Cape Town” so excuse me if I am not all that forgiving and if I steer towards being a bit agro myself. He gave nine point, things he doesn’t like about Cape Town. I will go through them and give my opinion, because…well, why not.

His first point of business was saying that Capetonians (hereafter referred to as simply, we) are cliquey. It’s a known fact that JHB people are far more friendlier than us. It is something that hits me every single time I am up there. I find myself asking: why are you all so f*cking nice? I honestly can’t handle it and I can’t handle all of you saying hello to me all the time, everywhere I go, and I couldn’t wait to come back to Cape Town where people would just leave me alone and let me do my thing. We are fine on our own, thank you very much. You all come to our city and overpopulate anything that remotely looks like a shopping centre or a beach. So, are we a close-knit group of people who rarely let others in — would it really matter? Would it prevent you from coming down here each and every December holiday, taking over every square inch, naturally leaving us irritated and yearning for the day you bid us goodbye? We aren’t saying you shouldn’t come enjoy and experience beautiful Cape Town — we know we are absolutely amazing and that you can’t stand but to spend as much time as possible here. You’re visiting a city, not a zoo — don’t expect monkeys to be all over you.

Point number two: our business comes from Johannesburg. Yes — Cape Town works at a pace of its own and we go about business quite differently. I will say this — I love doing business with companies in Johannesburg, thank you for instantly replying on emails, we Capetonians could learn a thing or two from you in that regard — I won’t deny it. Can you blame us though? I mean, come on, if you lived in a city by the sea with Table Mountain as your view, would you want feel like doing work — ever?

This fella went on to say that Cape Town salaries are lower and that our expenses are higher. Your point being? Cape Town is the best — that’s how it works. Have you heard of a city called New York, or a country we like to call Europe — yup, I didn’t think so. Welcome to the world. I would rather get paid a smaller salary and pay more for whatever it is you are referring to that I am paying more for, than get paid more, pay less, and live in Johannesburg. I roll with the punches — it makes me tough.

Then he goes ahead and mentions how they pay for us, that they contribute more than 10% to the GDP - that we are boozy, ungrateful wastrels. First — but we are the rude ones? Second — jealous much? We get to be boozy and you get to sit up in your pale concrete jungle and pay for us — thanks hey.

Cape Town is not crime free — he claims — yes, we are aware. Welcome to planet Earth.

I’m not even going to go into politics and discuss the talks about the DA.

Then there’s the little matter of saying that most Capetonians don’t live anywhere near the beach. How often do we go to the beach? That’s such a Joburg thing to say. Shall we pull out the map and point out the distance most of us are from the beach and the distance you are from the beach?

Oh my Lord, and this is the absolute cherry on the cake — then he somehow works the Zombie Apocalypse into the conversation, saying we are going to be so f*cked. If you resort to chit-chatting about Zombies when it comes to comparing our cities — hi-f*cking-larious!

If any of what I have been saying for the past two-thousand words have bored you to death and you disagree with every single thing,then my only comeback is that the guy who wrote the blogpost went on for an entire episode of The Walking Dead about the Zombie Apocalypse and how if it were to happen we down in Cape Town will be screwed and you won’t — really? You wasted my time with that utter BS, so please, by all means, don’t take ME seriously. Continue being Cape Town’s very personal DUFF.

**Whoops, apparently the article wasn't written by a guy - it's probably because I'm a Capetonian, isn't it?

#365daysofhabits #photography #capetown #joburg #cpt #jhb #cptvsjhb #duff