#365DaysOfHabits Day 10; Am I comparing you to a stick? (16 January 2015)

Driver, roll up the partition, please. I need some alone time with myself. You see, I have come to the realisation that I have seen many frighting things during the course of my life, short as it may be at the age of twenty-three, but one of the scariest things yet is becoming aware of how we justify things, how we lower our standards and change who we are and what we believe it, to justify who we are as the individual humans we were created as. Why is that? How is it so easy for us to simply resort to justification whenever faced with a decision in life? If that is the reality, is the choice we are trying to make actually worth it? If something requires that much convincing, doesn’t it just scratch the surface to what is a crewel reality that we will basically swing ourselves around more than an acrobat in Cirque du Soleil to become what others want us to be?

Do you believe in God? I ask this not out of wanting to know your religious affiliation or to spark some controversial argument. It just seems to me that most of us, myself included, so often turn to God whenever the shit hits the fan and we are looking for justification. More often than non, I think, we don’t really want that justification — simply put, because that would give it an explanation. I have been here one too many times, where I am baffled beyond belief and not understanding one bit of it, but then I stand back and realise: if I am being totally honest with myself, I don’t want to know. Having a reason or having the answers, supply us with knowledge, and knowledge give us power — power we eventually let go of, because sadly we have no idea how to use it. If something happens that breaks us, that leaves us bare and exposed, yearning for reasoning, the not knowing often offers itself as a greater consolation prize, because had we known the reasoning behind it, we might have far greater pain than we already do. “It is for the greater good”, or “everything has a reason” — those are the sort of phrases we utter at moments like these, but does it, does it really? Is there really a greater good, is there really a reason — and if there is, will it truly make me understand it any better? I wonder. There are some things in this life that I don’t want to know the why to — why do toddlers get raped, why are innocent men killed, because of others trying to prove a point or to make a statement? I don’t want to know the reasons, I don’t even want to know that a reason exists. In my eyes — it doesn’t. It has got nothing to do with ignorance or with God, nothing to do with politics or religion, I simply don’t want, or need, all the answers. I don’t accept these things, don’t misunderstand me, they bother me greatly, but they happen and it is devastating, but the pain and confusion is so great that I make the conscious decision not to ask why.

Bad things happen, fact. Living in a perfect world is not my alternative, that will never happen. No matter what we do, these things will happen — again and again, and again and again. We have absolutely no control over this! I have always like the phrase: live curiously. Yes — true, but we have to know where to draw the line between curiosity, understanding, acceptance and walking away.

What I am trying to say is this: there are more than enough in this world of ours that we don’t understand, which we don’t have answers to (and probably never will), and that we can’t control — don’t you think we should take control of who we are and realise that what we are is enough, and that having to justify our way through life is not okay? Being honest and expressing our true emotions, basing decisions on what others think and what would please them is not only degrading, but down right embarrassing! I know this has been said a million times before, that we are who we are and acceptance is key — but for the love of all that is good in the world — why dear heaven do we need to turn into a justification version of who we are? I am not talking about justifying to yourself or other why you desperately need to buy those pair of shoes at the mall or else life as we know it would end — I’m talking about justifying why to yourself and others why you believe in certain things, and why you don’t believe in certain things. I am talking about justifying to yourself and to others why make decisions in your own personal life, I’m talking about constantly having to justify why you are who you are. Sure, we as humans can change, we can alter ourselves and work on ourselves, we can make decisions and grow. When I say we can’t change who we are, I’m to referring to becoming a better person or changing our appearance — I’m talking about that core you, that deepest, inner person inside of you that is what and who you were born as. That person we struggle to accept, spending years wondering and doubting and wonder about, that person we want to change to please others — to fit in. Justifying can often be seen as excuses, and nobody has got any time for those!

Let me explain it this way. This morning I had the absolutely delicious privilege of making my very own Magnum ice cream. First they dip the ice cream in melted chocolate, chocolate that is so irresistible that you want Vegas to make it legal to marry it in their Elvis chapels. Thereafter you hand pick the toping that you want to cover the melting chocolate with, and to finish it off — another drizzle of melted chocolate and a signature ‘M’ logo to top it off. What is it, essentially? An ice cream, you might say, no. It is a glorified, (deliciously) dressed-up stick. You can take the ice cream and all the toppings off and serve it up in a bowl, or a milkshake, or even melt it all and use it as a sauce for chocolate pudding — whatever, but the stick will still be the same old stick it always was. So yes — you can change the stick, you can modify the stick — you can chocolate it up and serve it with sprinkles, but after that is all gone you will still be left with a stick, which can be put too so many different and creative uses. Am I comparing you to a stick? No…I’m comparing a stick to a human. You can dress us all up differently, give us different colours and in various shapes and sizes, but at the end of the day we are all humans — and what is the one common factor between humans? Not one human is the same as another (that’s how you are not a stick!) The thing about an ice cream is that you can dress it up all you like, you can add more flavours and sprinkle over more bits and pieces, but when you bring on the heat — that melts away in an instant and you are left with nothing but a stick and it is that stick that is going to have to fight for itself in order not to catch light and go up in flames. Be a fighter, but do so in the name of who you are and don’t waste your time justifying a battle that only you have the power to win, because accepting who others wants you to be is giving control to them and ending up being a strawberry ice cream, when really — you wanted to be caramel!

#365daysofhabits #photography #photoaday #icecream #justification #understand #whoyouare #bornthisway