#365DaysOfHabits Day 15; Green Ivy (21 January 2015)

There’s something inside me, it’s hard to explain. Dexter explained it as a dark passenger — of course our passengers are something quite diverse from one another, for starters, I don’t have any tendencies to kill people and cut them into pieces. “Dig up the bones, but leave the soul alone. Dark, twisted fantasy, turn to reality. Kissing death and losing my breath.” MS MR strung together in lyrics. It is a dangerous game. Forgive me father, for I have sinned. There’s something bad in me, something really, really bad, and I have no idea how to control it. It doesn’t comes alive very often. Its eyes shimmers somewhere between blue and yellow. Father, I don’t want to bother you, but I’ve got a sin to confess — I have to lay this thing ten feet under ground. What I need is someone to save me, because I am going down, all the way down. I take it all back, all that I said. I just couldn’t help the way that I felt, what started the fire! Now I am standing too close and it’s hurting. How did it go again? I was in my penthouse, half naked — I had cooked this meal for you, half naked, but where the hell were you at? I’m thinking it over. I wish I could lean on your shoulder — I was there when you needed me most! I still think of you and all the shit you put me through, and I know now, I know you were wrong. I made a decision, I would never look back — like a bitch out of order, shot my lover in the head, dancing in the flames — one last time for us to go higher. Guess it’s true, I’m not good at a one night stand.

They could never make me hate you. Was I just a fool? The people were taking, the people are saying that you had been playing my heart. We are proud individuals. Who knew the course of this one drive injured us fatally? Mother Mary, I swear I wanna change. Here’s advice for the next one…run! I got some help from my friends, you know — Will, Taylor, Lizzy, Beyoncé, Jillian, Madonna, Sam, Nicki, Nicole, Paolo, Robyn, and Robin — but do you know what I am trying to say?

I met a girl in East LA, she said: “I’m in love with Judas!” Who are you, I wanna be with you till the morning sun! There was truth. All night, and the way that you looked at me, it was kind of nasty. Feeling my way through the darkness, wrap your drunken arms around me, please tell me I’m you’re one and only, or lie and say, at least tonight. I’ll let you walk all over me, I just wanna be your baby. No one’s gonna love you like I do, I can feel it in the way you breathe. What’s your name again? I will promise you the night of your life.

Fine, I will stop. I turned to Jared, Miley, Stefani, Aloe, Avril, Bleta, David, and Jennifer, but even they didn’t help? Maybe it’s because I don’t want you to know, perhaps it is the unspeakable tragedy that keeps taunting me, which I want to keep disguised in the lyrics of songs I love. It is not something one should be proud of. I swear, it doesn’t come around often, it is that thief in the night that occasionally comes around — inevitably. I never expected it, not from you. You kept it silent for so long, it became the unpredictable riddle, intertwined between the weaves hidden in the fabric of the reality presenting itself as a lie. The connection seemed impossible, yet I saw it with my very own eyes. Was it always meant to be, was I meant to learn a lesson from this course of action you chose? Following me around like a shadow in the night, casting over the monster. That boy is a monster, he’s a wolf in disguise, but I can’t stop staring in those evil eyes. Shit, thereI go again — I apologise Stefani. He ate my heart.

The other woman has time to manicure her nails. I told you never to get use to me. We’re in a whole lot of trouble. You smoked 10, now it’s 20. Maybe that’s how I knew you were the one. We’re in a whole lot trouble. Fuck em! The other woman is perfect, are you happy now? I know you wanted to be loved. Little do you know how I’m breaking while you fall asleep. Why do you always do this to me? Do you expect me to believe I was the only one to fall? It’s not supposed to feel this way! I need you. I can’t promise anything, but I’ll try to tell you everything, and I know this doesn’t make sense — let me explain this. I’ll be honest, I just did it for you. Listen to what we’re not saying, let’s play a different game than what we’re playing. Try, to look at me and really see my heart. Why don’t you love me? I wish that I could disappear. Everyday I feel this pain, I just can’t keep holding on.

You and I — these are the things we lost in the fire.

I tried, I really did. I brought in Lana, Andy, Ryan, Joel, Adam, Andrew and Brian, Michelle, Mikky, Alex and Sierra, Ellie, and old favourites like Avril and Beyoncé — even used them again. I know I said I wouldn’t, but music speak so much louder. It doesn’t have to make sense to you, it is not supposed to. There’s something inside me, it’s hard to explain. Its eyes shimmers somewhere between blue and yellow.

#Music #lyrics #365daysofhabits #photography #writing #mystery #Beyonce #MSMR #SamSmith #NickiMinaj #NicoleScherzinger #PaoloNutini #Rihanna #ThirtySecondsToMars #MileyCyrus #AvrilLavigne #DavidGuetta #JenniferHudson #madonna #LadyGaga #LanaDelRey #Lawson #LCNVL #MichelleBranch #MikkyEkko #AlexandSierra #EllieGolding