#365DaysOfHabits Day 17; Is this because once upon a time I fell in lust? (23 January 2015)
- Andrew Conradie
- Jan 23, 2015
- 6 min read
Then Carrie asked Mr Big if he believed in love at first sight? His replied was: “I believe in lust at first sight.” Is there a very thin line between the two, especially when it comes to first sightings? I mean, if we are completely honest with one another — when we first spot a person, we can’t possibly be able to know if we love, or ever will love, them. Loving a person is so much more than just the physical appearance, if it is then love is unbelievably shallow. Yes, even though we all like to believe in love at first sight, do any of us really understand what we’re saying? When we see that someone, sure, we might feel that instant connection that doesn’t make any sense whatsoever — but other than that, we really only go on looks and then the cruel ugly reality, lust.
Does this same thing happen to what we end up doing for the rest of our lives — that little thing we call our job? I have a very strong opinion — that I don’t do what I love most in life for a living, my job is something that I am good at, something that I go into the office for and go home after. It’s not that I don’t enjoy what I do, or dare I even say, love, but my job is not my biggest passion in life, it is not along that famous line they always preach: do what you love and you will never work a day in your life. We all have to work, we all have to make a living, we all need a way to fill our days and feel like we contribute to society in some way or another. I somehow, because of a series of events, wound up working in TV, and I cannot help but think — is this because once upon a time I fell in lust? Let me explain. While I was on set of a big film shoot today, it hit me: I have really always dreamt about doing this. When I grew up I would always watch these shows where they demonstrated how to make some elaborate dish, or how to create something crafty — I was fascinated by the steps, how everything was neatly packed out and all the ingredients was perfectly measured out and put in matching little bowls. Now I am doing that — and so much more! I have always wanted to, haven’t I? Even through the ups and downs, I still enjoy it, I still want to keep going.
Stellenbosch was a buzz, not only because it was a scorcher of a day, but because all the new students we making their way to the centre of studentville. As I rushed through town searching for props, I watched them, and their parents, shopping for things to fill the brand new apartments or res bedroom . They were moving into spaces where so many have gone before. It was actually rather hilarious — listening to the chatter of parents comparing stories of how their kids got into varsity, how they didn’t and then did, how they found apartments, you know, the normal old chit-chat. It was scary for me to think that not too long ago, that was me. Time goes by so quickly. Where we start out, fresh and eager to learn, eager to experience, eager to just be and discover. If I think about how much I have grown, how much I have changed, how much I have stayed the same, it is mind blowing. It was all a wild ride, endless laughter, and lots of tears, to get to where I am now — and of course I have no idea where what I am busy with now will lead me to next. I don’t have any regrets, I don’t believe in them, but every now and again I find myself thinking that if I had the opportunity to do something now I would do it so much different, but I mean, of course. It’s not that I want to redo it, I am perfectly happy with the way my life has been going — most of the time, but you think about these things. I studied on and off for five years, different things, I met the most incredibly interesting people, and all of that, all of them, have brought me to where I have today, or at least helped me to. The power really is in our own hands. I saw a very interesting clip for Oprah’s Life Class, where she said: “You are responsible for your life, and if you are sitting around waiting on somebody to save you, to fix you, to even help you, you are wasting your time, because only you have the power to take responsibility to move your life forward. What matters is now, this moment, and your willingness to see this moment for what it is, accept it, forgive the past, take responsibility, and move forward. I came to realise that all the time I was praying to God, asking for God to do something — God was waiting on me!”
This got me thinking — obviously, I am a thinker — I’m not crazy, I was tested. This really is exactly how I feel, what I believe. We can’t base our happiness on others, we cannot wait for someone, or something, to save us, the only person who is capable of saving me, is me! We so often sit around waiting for that fix, for that moment, but we have to make it happen! I love how she says that what matters is now, this moment. It forms apart of my believes about regret. When we are in a moment, we need to accept the fact that we can’t change what we know in that moment, we can’t all of a sudden have all the answers, we just simply have to make a decision and move forward. We can’t do anything about the past, we won’t know what the future looks like, all we can really take control of is right now — and that we have to do on faith and the knowledge we have gained up till that moment in time, the life lessons we have learned and the experience we have built up over the years. Then she brings God into it, and initially I was up and armed — don’t always bring God into it, but then I started thing about it — obviously. She had said: “I came to realise that all the time I was praying to God, asking for God to do something — God was waiting on me!” Argue all you like, religious folk who act as if Oprah is the antichrist — this is not what it is about, what she said there is truth! We can’t expect God to do everything for us. We sit around, praying, hoping that everything will magically turn out perfectly. So often we simply sit there, waiting, when God is really waiting for us to take initiative. However, I am not going to get into a religious conversation now. You decide for yourself what you want to do — how you want to move forward. It is strange — we have to both take control and lose it, all at the same time. We are capable of many things, but not everything, and we need to get to a point where we can realise where we need to take action and move forwards, and where we have to acknowledge that this is where we can but take the next step and do so completely in faith.
Sometimes we aren’t supposed to fall in love with our lives, with what we are doing, but instead we have to fall in lust. These are two completely different things. Yes, love yourself and love what you do, be happy, but we need that strong desire, that excitement, even though we don’t really know exactly what will happen next or how exactly it will end. Life has a funny way of somehow turning out the way it does, the world will keep on turning — that’s the part we can’t change, but we can determine how we will keep walking. I can honestly go on with this conversation forever, but let me wrap it up and tie it all together. Go on those feelings that gets you excited — you never know where you might end up because of it. You need to be excited about your job. I just feel that more often than non, if you decide to do what you love as your job, you lose that love and passion so quickly. I am speaking from personal experience, but if it is different for some of you, which I am 100% sure it is, then that is great! Live in the moment — but do so building on your future, even though we never know how that future will look or how it will turn out, because it really never goes exactly how we imagine it. It is okay to do what you are good at. We live in an age where we can change jobs, several times during our lifetime. You can change what you enjoy, what gets you excited — because that changes. If I have to do what I love more than anything in life as a full time job and I start to hate it…then what? Do I find new love, or do I move onto something I enjoy and get excited about? I love life — might as well enjoy the journey!
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