#365DaysOfHabits Day 18; Out Alive (24 January 2015)

This city is going to break your heart, and it will hurt all over. We can run, and contrary to what you might believe, we can indeed hide, although the question arises: will we make it out alive? The skyscrapers shadow over the faintest ideas far down below, searching for the glimpses of light breaking through. The coffeeshop on the corner wasn’t overly busy, instead there were the odd couple of regulars, and then there were us. I hadn’t known you for every long. Your soft brown eyes eliminated in the light of the flickering candle the tall, skinny, waiter had put down and lid earlier, when the sun was barely gone. Brushing your fingers through your shoulder length hair with a blonde tint in it — even though it was didn’t reveal weather it was from the sun or a bottle. You had the most beautiful, full, lips — soft and pink. I loved staring at your face, I had never seen anything quite like it. I followed the dark rings around your golden brown eyes, before it was clear white. A smile broke out, situated perfectly below your nose. We had walked over, and even with you wearing high heels, you were still ever so slightly shorter than me. I preferred you in flats, sandals actually — not because you had to get up on your tippy toes to kiss me, that too, but I loved your feet. Maybe I’m just tall? Our hands lightly brushed against one another, then my fingers found yours. There was a slight sparkle against your ears, but nothing to heavy — you weren’t that sort of girl, but most people didn’t see that — they saw the high heels. I pushed open the door of the cafe, it wasn’t that sort of place where a waiter awaited your arrival and opened the door for you.

Our afternoon was magical, to say the least. It started with a blindfold. Not on you, but instead I was the one whose eyes were covered. It was my weakness, you surprising me. I hate surprises, always have, since I was a little boy, but I don’t know, for some reason you you got away with murder. We were driving, even though I had absolutely no idea where you were taking me. The leather seats of your Mini convertible was the only thing I could feel, you singing along to John the only thing I could hear, the mixture of the fresh sea air and Dolce Gabbana, the only thing I could smell. I couldn’t help but smile, even through the darkness. When we finally stopped, you took my hand and lead me as we walked for a couple of feet, before you asked me to take a step. I could feel you standing behind me, and then you took it off, the blindfold. The breathtaking view in front of me was stunning. The heat of the hot summer sun prickled my skin. We were standing on a rooftop parking area, overlooking the ocean and the beach. I couldn’t help myself, I was falling on love with you. Turning around to kiss you, the blindfold fell down to the ground. Then I saw it, laid out behind her was a picnic.

“Is that for me?” I had asked you, whispering in your ear. You didn’t say a word, but I could hear your smile. She led me back down and we sat down on the softness of the blanket, next was the two glasses of Champagne. You twirled a daisy around in her finger, very I-love-you-I-love-you-not of you, before you gave me another kiss. I took the flower and tucked it behind your ear. We didn’t feed each other the cheese and crackers, we weren’t not that…cheesy?

After the sunset picnic, you lead me down stairs into one of the apartments that overlooked the orange ocean. This was a young love, this love that we shared, but how did it already have such a strong hold over me? I didn’t need to prove anything to you. This love was wild and beautiful. I didn’t want to be anything else, I just wanted to be with you, take it all in. I didn’t want you to set me free, I just wanted to be near you. You hit the clicker and music started playing, a sexy jazzy song. You were gonna kill me, I was sure of it, and you were gonna to so with in absolutely style, because you could break me with one look, but I would go down smiling. So I let you lock up all the doors and through away the keys, I didn’t mind being your prisoner, I didn’t want you to set me free. You were dancing around the living room, I could but look at you, your beautiful body moving. It was always meant to be you, I knew it in that very moment. The song that followed wasn’t quite as upbeat, or as jazzy, and I took a hold of you, just swinging to the slow song while your head rested against me. I remembered meeting you so well. You were the girl across the room, shyly smiling at me. You were going to be my weakness — I knew that much. I was half expecting for some tall, dark, and handsome guy to swoop in and hand you a drink — there wasn’t a world in which I could image you being single, but you were. I had never met anyone like you, ever. It was an engagement party — you knew the bride, I knew the event planner. You were wearing a light blush pink strapless dress, but it was your yellow shoes that caught my attention. I honestly didn’t fully understand it, but asI would soon discover, there would always be a little part of you that I would never fully understand.

The carpet was soft, and we couldn’t make, or wait for, the bedroom. Your soft skin under my hands, your lips touching, our heavy breathing — all while the sun was saying its final farewell, greeting the day, and the colour lurking over the ocean disappeared for good. It was magical. I ran my fingers over the small of your back, pushing you closer to me. I never asked you who the apartment belonged to, or how you managed to get it, but it really didn’t matter much. I loved staring into your eyes. The mornings we woke up together will always be some of the best memories of my life. We could make it through the evening without making love, simply sharing a glass of red wine, being together. We just lay on your backs, slightly out of breath, staring up at the ceiling, the room was very barely lit.

You wanted to go for coffee and something small to eat, you were always starving after sex. We went to that little coffeeshop on the corner. It was one of those kinds — you say it is your favourite, but really you never really go there other than the occasional cup of coffee now and again, and every time you go you remind yourself that it’s your favourite place. The was very relaxed, but just how I wanted to end off the evening. After paying the bill, I looked at you, took your hand and we walked out the door. You city lights hit your face just right, I had never seen you look so beautiful before — just there, on the street in front of the corner coffeeshop, your hair slightly messy and you weren’t even really dressed up. As we headed towards the curb to cross the road, I heard someone call out my name, I recognised the voice — a friend of mine. In the motion of walking I turned my head and shoulders, trying to find the face to match the voice. My hand ever so slightly began slipping from yours. All I heard was the terrifying crash. Everything slowed down, my entire world. I saw it first on the face I had been searching for, he had seen it, he had seen you go.

I wish I had another story to tell, but it is all done. It was all you, and now…now you are gone, forever. You taught me what love is, you were the one to teach me how love goes.

Thank you, Camellia.

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