#365DaysOfHabits Day 19; FourFiveSeconds (25 January 2015)

As your shadow crosses mine, I feel elated. There’s a happiness in my heart, a calmness, that I cannot describe. The theme of my twenty-first birthday was inspired by the number one hit song by Rihanna, We Found Love. I had fallen in love with this song — there was something about it that up till this day gets me so excited. I use to think that this would be such an amazing song to have as a couple, to be able to say we found love in a hopeless place — what a story that should be. We always want to attach love to some story associated with a boyfriend or girlfriend, but as I have come to realise — that is not what I was supposed to find in this song. There are many great love stories, amazing ones. We read about them in books, we see them on the big screen, we hear the tales over a cup of coffee, we discover the secrets after a glass or two of wine. We go searching for love, even though we wouldn’t like to admit it. They always say, you can choose your friends, but you can’t choose your family. Can you really, choose your friends? If so, and correct me if I’m wrong, but if we can choose our friends, it is something we do with our minds, it is an intellectual decision that is made, one that is thought through and decided upon by using our heads, more than our hearts? Thus it is only later that emotional feelings of love becomes involved. I did some research and read up about the colour yellow.

It is said, (and don’t shoot me on these ‘facts’, this is purely what I have uncovered on the internet, which, as you all know, aren’t always right) that yellow is non-emotional, that it comes from the head rather than the heart. Along with that they also claim that yellow is self-dependent, preferring to rather not get emotionally involved. When it comes to yellow it also apparently relates to the ego and self worth, how we feel about not just ourselves, but also those around us. Okay — so, wait, let me first take a pause.

How does this relate to friendship? Can we join the characteristics of the colour yellow, and friendship?

It relates to how we feel to those around us, ‘those’ being the people we surround ourselves with and end up becoming friends with — or then not. Is it possible that we in-fact make friends without emotions? I thought a great deal about this. It sounds so far fetched! How can you find love in such a situation?

The information about yellow continued, and I use to think that the colour yellow was only that of the sun, and the colour of roses you would take to someone in the hospital. Apparently it also helps with the making of decisions. Why is that? Well, because, it relates to clarity of thought and ideas, but on the other end of the spectrum, it can often be impulsive. This throws the ball around a bit, doesn’t it? So if I continue with this compare and contrast mission, it would seem that if it is true that we can choose our friends, we do so with clarity, because like we have seen — it is done with the mind, not with the heart. We think about it, we try to make sense of these people and probably create some pro and cons. Then the spanner is thrown into the works — ‘it can be impulsive.’ Is this the part where we sometimes choose the wrong friends? Where we think we know someone, but we later discover quite the opposite. That makes sense. How do we make friends? I love these stories, of how two completely random people somehow came together in this world and become friends. Is it that we just click, is it that there is some connection of sorts? We don’t necessarily end up with friends who are just like us, with the same interests, and is likeminded. We make friends from all walks of life, and if we’re lucky, some of them turn into what could better be described as family.

Yellow is the scientist, always analysing both sides of a situation before finally making a decision in a methodical and decisive manner. I bet if you know me really, really well, you would know in which direction I am heading in next. This could actually not be more perfect — and more obvious. Not only have they done a collaboration with Rihanna, not only did they cover We Found Love live, but they also have a song called The Scientist…and a song called Yellow. Coldplay folks, that’s what you get for making connections. Shall we?

Right?

Here we go. The Scientist.

The lyrics goes something like this: “I was just guessing at numbers and figures//Pulling the puzzles apart//Questions of science, science and progress//Do not speak as loud as my heart.” Oh, where to even begin with the analytics. Perhaps it is best suited to start from the end and work my way back to the start — that would make complete sense, especially if you know the song and the music video. ‘Do not speak as loud as my heart.’ That’s it, that’s where I will begin, that’s all the information I need for now. Your immediate response would most likely be: what doesn’t speak as loud as my heart? Perhaps you simply view it as a statement on its own. The heart is a magical oracle, of blood, life, and love — or so they say. This statement is pretty clear, but my question would be: at what volume does your heart speak, and in what language? Shall I follow the Ed Sheeran path and start thinking out loud? Although, I would argue that my thoughts are so much louder than the actual words coming out of my mouth. “Maybe we found love right where we are?” Remember, we are taking it from the end, remember we started out with Rihanna’s We Found Love, in a hopeless place — location, location, location! We as humans don’t particularly work very well with the phrase: do not. Whenever we are told not to do something, we usually tend to do quite the opposite. We speak straight over our hearts, but this is not a game of the heart, right, this making friends thing? Let’s move on. ‘Questions of science, science and progress.’ Science is all about progress, science is al about asking questions and finding answers. So, I looked at different articles, at what people had to say. Jason G Goldman wrote and article for BBC, Future, titled: How and why do we pick our friends? The articles started out with a quote from CS Lewis, and ended with one of Aristotle — it reads like this:

“Friendship," wrote CS Lewis, “is born at that moment when one person says to another: ‘What! You, too? Thought I was the only one.’” He wasn't the only one. Plato wrote,”similarity begets friendship" in his 360 BCE play Phaedrus. And Aristotle had the same idea when he wrote,"some define it as a matter of similarity; they say that we love those who are like ourselves.”

What Lewis said is so true, is it not, but I found the last quote brilliant, ‘they say that we love those who are like ourselves.’ So, naturally, I rewind (remember, that is what we are doing with this Coldplay song) and I look at what we said about the colour yellow: ‘how we feel about not just ourselves, but also those around us.’ We love those who are like ourselves? In other words, we love ourselves? That’s a good thing, right? We need to love ourselves before we can love others?

Then I went on to read more, in other articles, about how scientists say some friends share DNA, or different versions of the same DNA. Is it true — do we as friends share genes? Now, if we read these to sentences together they go: Questions of science, science and progress, do not speak as loud as my heart. Thus, we ask these scientific questions, and we make progress, trying to prove a point, trying to get ahead and figure it all out, but at the end of the day — does the heart still speak louder?

The next, or should I say previous, bar of the song goes: ‘Pulling the puzzles apart.’ In order for us to make sense of anything in life, we take the bits and pieces apart, to look at each one individually, because sometimes the complete picture isn’t quite understood. Sure, we might see it clearly, but the finished product might be somewhat misleading, or rather, it tells a different story than if we know all the details. Why do we do this? Is it because we are insecure, is it perhaps because we don’t trust, or could it maybe be the curiosity in us that gets the best of the situation. Let’s pull apart the pieces of friendship and discover it, that’s what I am doing, right? The puzzle of life, or friendship, isn’t ever really a complete work, it is a constant journey of assembling. We keep adding pieces as we grow together and move forward in life. Now and again we look back and we get to see the picture that has formed so far. It is only when the pieces start coming undone that we realise there might have been more puzzle pieces in our box than we had ever know — or then, perhaps, quite the opposite. When this happens, when we take it all apart, that’s when the real questions start, not true? We attempt making sense, figuring out, and finding logic. There has got to be a reason, that’s how we go about it. Often we look at the scattered pieces and we simply don’t have the energy to rebuild it — there are far to many light blue sky pieces, or turquoise ocean pieces — bleach white blocks that represent snow, maybe? So, what happens before we start pulling apart all the pieces? We guess, we look at different options — we look at the numbers and figures.

I have always had a thing for numbers, okay, well, for quite some time. Will your number ever come? Friends are like numbers. There are millions and billions of people in the world, and we manage to find that one who becomes a friend…and then another, and another — some more than others. Some numbers work well together, others, not so much. What’s the ideal number of friends? Are there limits? I did some reading about the The Dunbar Number. This is “a theoretical limit to the number of people with whom any individual is able to sustain a stable or meaningful social relationship (usually considered to be roughly 150) Of course e live in an age of Facebook, Twitter and so many more social platforms. We get to interact with various people from across the world. For now, I am however talking about friends that we consider close friends, that handful of really close friends who we can trust, talk to, and get emotional support from, as well as advice. It is usually said that five close friends is about average. Think about it, is it true? I have five different types of friends. There’s the best friend. This is that one friend who you, obviously, call your best friend. You have most likely known each other for a significant amount of time, but not necessarily. This bestie can be like a sibling to you, and often this is actually the case — where sisters and brothers are your best friend.

Then there’s the friend who knows everything. That one friend who you can tell absolutely everything to. You can’t always be this open with all your friends — nothing personal against them, it’s just the way it is. You usually choose this person, because you feel very comfortable with them, you value their opinion, and you trust them completely.

Next is what I like to call, the friend on the phone. Let me explain. This friend is that person who you have an amazing bond with, but somehow you two do better telephonically than in person. It isn’t like you have anything against them, but for some reason the communication is better with texting, talking on the phone or via Skype.

There’s also the friend you never see. That friend who lives far away/overseas. You talk regularly and are extremely close, although not in distance. This is usually a different friend from the previous one, the phone friend. Here, you talk on the phone, because it is the only option.

Lastly there’s the friend who just gets you. You can’t explain it and you don’t know how, but this is that person in your life who just absolutely gets you, snap everything you say, and fully grasp the concept that is you (sometimes even better than you do yourself.)

So, we are still with Coldplay. Yes, I know, this is taking forever. We have spoken about The Scientist, now there’s also ‘Yellow’. I promise, I won’t get into the details quite so extensively…okay, well, I’ll try not to.

Getting back to the colour of discussion. This time round the lyrics plays: “So then I took my turn//Oh what a thing to have done//And it was all yellow//Your skin//Oh yeah your skin and bones//Turn into//something beautiful//You know//You know I love you so//You know I love you so//“

We are all just skin and bones, but once we get to know each other and learn who the other one really is, it turns into something beautiful — a friendship that goes far and beyond, but still stays just that — a friendship. This is where emotions become apart of the equation in a big way, where we start caring for the other person, loving them, but not in that way! It happens, we can’t deny it. ‘What it takes to come alive, it’s the way I’m feeling, I just can’t deny.’

The research says, yellow is the entertainer, the comic, the clown. Isn’t friendship just that? Sure, there is the deep connection, the serious side, the tears, but friendship is so much about sharing your life with a group of people who you can have fun with, be silly with, just be yourself and not be judged for it. Lastly I discovered that the colour yellow loves a challenge. So I am challenging the colour yellow — to go beyond some of the things it stands for, to not just think logically and clearly, but to let the emotions in, to let love in, because it plays a part! ‘Feel the heartbeat in my mind!’

Yellow — it can make a lot of sense, but it can also sound like a pretty hopeless place — to find friendship, to find love, but…we did. You, my friends, shined bright like a diamond, yellow diamonds in the light, and now we’re standing side by side. As your shadow crosses mine, what it takes to come alive!

I am not living in the shadow of my friends, but their shadows crosses mine and I look up at them, seeing how absolutely amazing they're doing in life.

#365DaysOfhabits #photography #writing #friends #friendship #Yellow #Rihanna #Coldplay #TheScientist #WeFoundLove